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Showing posts from May, 2018

Living EDC

Let me start off by saying that this year's EDC was completely different than the first time. That's probably expected. A friend mentioned after the first time that it would never be the same, and so that rings true.

That said, I'm speechless.

Don't get me wrong. It was great, and not-so-great. There were fantastic moments and moments where I waned to end it all, but not in a suicidal way. I was just overwhelmed by everything and needed a break.

I tend to get lost at raves and music festivals. Like, one moment I'll be with friends and the next I'm simply gone. Nowhere to be found. What happens is I feel absolutely free to go exactly where I want, how I want, leaning all the way on whatever feels right to carry me along.

What's interesting is I've felt more and more free over the last few years. So while going to EDC the first time was like an introduction to going with the flow, this year was an affirmation that I'm already flowing.

Friday and Saturday nights I tried chasing a particular kind of experience; the doorway to the rabbit hole. Drugs and raving helped knock on that door, so I was hoping to relive that experience by drinking and dropping pills. The first night I had an amazing time, but a good deal of it was spent sitting down trying to find my way out of being crossfaded. Tequila. The second night I mixed a bad pill with a good pill and rolled between self-loathing and mindless bliss. A good amount of time was spent meditating, again trying to find some sense of being grounded.

I almost didn't make it Sunday night. Some friends were in town and wanted to hit up a club with the friends I had been riding with the whole weekend. There was a drive in me to be at EDC though, and things really worked out when a friend offered her unused shuttle pass. What a gift. Without it, I wouldn't have known how much all of this has meant over the last few years.

The last night of the festival I finally gave up trying to chase a high and let go to the feeling of simply being under the electric sky. It was during Zedd's set that it hit me: I'm at EDC, again, after all that happened. I looked up in awe as tears streamed down my face. So much of that night was an affirmation that I didn't have to chase a high, chase being in the moment or chase being in the flow. I'm there.

I can be me, and everything is alright.